sample blog

the names have been changed but the problems are real:

johnny moonshine: hey so i have this gut feeling.
johnny applesauce: well, is it a good feeling or a bad feeling?
johnny moonshine: well, it's telling me to watch out, be on my toes, things aren't what they seem to be.
johnny applesauce: and?
johnny moonshine: i'm not sure if i should listen to my gut or not. last time i didn't, and i had to pay for it.
johnny applesause: or you could just be paranoid.
johnny moonshine: yeah, that too.
johnny applesauce: tough call. better leave it to hindsight.
johnny moonshine: yeah.

at work i have a favorite bathroom stall. it's cozy, it's clean and for some reason no one liked it. maybe because it flushed funny, but i knew how to jiggle it. when i left the office for 4 months to do field work, the things i missed most was the hot water cooler and my stall. when i came back, the stall was right there, waiting for me...except something was different. i could tell that someone else was using the stall, the toilet paper was just going way too fast for it to be just me. while i was away, someone must have discovered my secret.

i was crushed! i felt exposed. what used to be a highlight of my work day, soon became a chore. but today, i found a new favorite bathroom stall! the door is broken, but i know how to make it work for me. and it is all mine!

i have stopped holding my breath when going through tunnels
and i have stopped looking for shooting stars
and i don't pick dandelions anymore
and i started saving my pennies instead of throwing them into fountains

i've been so foolish

at first couldn't find them
but actually, they were scattered everywhere
under the couch cushions alone
i found bits of popcorn, a bunch of change and a handful of wishes

i took a bag and filled it with every wish i had left behind
october 21st is too long to wait to catch the next meteor shower
so i went where the stars are always moving

i rented a boat and paddled out to the reef
i emptied the bag
every wish came tumbling out except for one
i watched as they sluggishly sank
some of them hitched rides on the backs of starfish
and i knew they were on their way to coming true

the one wish, i put him in my back pocket
i figured some wishes are meant to be kept instead of wished

i came in second again.

i'll take it, but not for long.

experiment:

and i felt i might never look up at the sun without the ocean between us.
and i felt i might never look at the sun without the ocean between us.
and i felt i might never look without the ocean between us.
and i felt i might never look between us.
and i felt i might never between us.
and i felt i between us.
and i between us.
and i us.
and us.
us.

(line from a previous post)

is my dreamlife trying to tell me something?

in the past week or so, i've had vivid dreams about:
-being a sniper
-rescuing a white kangaroo
-living in a prison camp
-getting jacked and then getting even
-getting jacked (woke up before i could get even)
-making snow angels in a desert
-met people that i knew would later jack me
-getting presents in the mail

nothing but other people's words in my head today.

A better son/daughter

Sometimes in the morning I am petrified and can't move
Awake but cannot open my eyes
And the weight is crushing down on my lungs
I know I can't breathe
And hope someone will save me this time
And your mother's still calling you insane and high
Swearing it's different this time
And you tell her to give in to the demons that possess her
And that god never blessed her insides
Then you hang up the phone and feel badly for upsetting things
And crawl back into bed to dream of a time
When your heart was open wide and you love things just because
Like the sick and dying

And sometimes when you're on
You're really fucking on
And your friends they sing along
And they love you
But the lows are so extreme
That the good seems fucking cheap
And it teases you for weeks in its absence
But you'll fight and you'll make it through
You'll fake it if you have to
And you'll show up for work with a smile
And you'll be better
You'll be smarter
More grown up and a better daughter or son
And a real good friend
And you'll be awake
You'll be alert
You'll be positive though it hurts
And you'll laugh and embrace all of your friends
And you'll be a real good listener
You'll be honest
You'll be brave
You'll be handsome and you'll be beautiful
You'll be happy

Your ship may be coming in
You're weak but not giving in
To the cries and the wails of the valley below
Your ship may be coming in
You're weak but not giving in
And you'll fight it you'll go out fighting all of them

-Rilo Kiley

once there was a boy. a quiet boy who was always lost in his imagination. his parents were quiet too, and weary. they were always lost in work. busy making a living, but not living at all. soon that boy became a man. he raised himself with some help from his friends, ghosts and fairy godmothers. and he raised himself to be a quiet man. busy making a living, but hardly living at all. and there had been something missing. a quiet mountain.

no one is really sure who called out to whom. a mountain in deep sleep, might have heard a silent prayer and began to stir. or a man, who felt he was no one in particular, might have been the only one who understood the low rumbling sobs from a groggy mountain. either way, the day the mountain began to wake, this man packed a bag. he climbed for days until finally he reached the top. and there he bid farewell to his friends, ghosts and fairy godmothers and jumped. at that moment, he and his mountain made the loudest noise anyone had ever heard. and they were happy.

http://www.fs.fed.us/gpnf/volcanocams/msh/