sample blog

[i run into my dad in the driveway as he pulls up from grocery shopping and i'm about to head to berkeley.]

dad: hi, are you leaving? takes these four bananas with you.

me: thanks dad, i'll only need two tho.

dad: no, take four, eat them.

me: no, i won't eat them all in a day.

dad: it's ok, you need a spare banana, keep them in your car. (he throws two bananas into his back seat)

me: ew, no i don't want to keep them in the car, they'll get smashed.

dad: well eat them before they get smashed then.

me: no, i don't want four, i don't understand why you won't just let me take two. I just want two bananas, that's the perfect amount for me. I can come back and get more bananas but i only want two now. just two, i don't need four, how come you won't let me just take two. i just don't understand why you always make me take so much food with me that it ends up going bad anyways and two bananas are fine i mean i just don't underst..

dad: OK FINE! GIVE ME BACK THE BANANAS THEN! YOU DON'T DESERVE THEM. YOU'RE A SPOILED UNGRATEFUL AMERICANIZED BRAT. GIVE THEM BACK TO ME, I DON'T WANT YOU TO HAVE ANY BANANAS! NOT ANY! (translated from chinese)

((for a split second i fantasized unpeeling the bananas and smearing them across the pavement and cars saying "yeah, maybe i don't deserve your bananas!"))

me: ok .... (hand him back one banana and run into the car and speed off before he can take all the bananas away from me)